There is much that is good here. I have corrected your spelling, grammatical, and usage errors while trying to maintain your same passion for the subject. In keeping your tone and content the same, I have altered your words quite a bit. It is important that you make any changes necessary to ensure that the essay remains more or less in your own voice. Additionally, there were some factual errors, e.g. how long America has existed, how its laws are made, etc., which I have corrected. Ultimately, my greatest concern is that you talk too much about America and not enough about yourself. Of course, to say why you want to come to America you need speak about America. Your primary concern, though, should be to convey your own personality. Your essay should not read, as it sometimes does, like an impersonal pamphlet extolling the virtues of America. It should express your own unique perspective on the world borne from your own unique experiences. What about your life has made this American vision so compelling to you? Is Italy so different? Are people less tolerant? More close-minded? Is the class system more rigid? I think that the best way to address these questions is to offer specific examples from your own life which have led you to desire an American-style political and moral culture. For example, you might have been disturbed by the treatment of immigrants in your city and want to be in a place more accepting of difference. Give details. Compare your own social world to that of America. (In doing this, be sure to describe how you have acquired your knowledge of America). Make your reader feel that your commitment to American values is not just a political abstraction, but the result of real life experiences. Ultimately, the subject of this essay should not be America but you. The admissions committee wants to understand what kind of person you are, to appreciate how and why you think and feel the way you do. Right now, I just donÂ¹t see enough of you in the essay.
Why do I want to go to the United States?
I want to travel to the United States of America in order to participate in a moral and political culture which champions liberty and justice for all. In just 224 years the United States of America has become the world's greatest nation. Ultimately, the strength of this nation is derived not from its economic or military might but from its unique moral character. American children are taught to accept the differences of others, to believe in themselves, and to work for the common good whether it directly benefits them or not. In fact, what impresses me most about America is its resistance to traditional class stratification and its championing of the right to individual self-advancement. For example, America as a whole had little to gain from abolishing slavery and allowing African-Americans be full citizens. Despite this fact, America went to war with itself in order to free the slaves and unite the country into a more moral republic. In comparison, the Balkan peninsula has for centuries been rocked by ethnic strife grounded on gross intolerance and a mistaken belief in the superiority of one's ethnic group.
Another reason I respect America is that it works hard to make sure every citizen knows and is willing to fight for the political and moral ideals on which the country is founded. This is why it is unlikely that a totalitarian ideology such as communism or fascism will ever dominate America. In America, the stability of the state does not rely on the presence of strong leaders or strong parties but on the perpetuation of its citizensÂ¹ commitment to the democratic system. No one person or party decides what is right for the nation; it is the people alone who must decide. Moreover, AmericaÂ¹s self-confidence and willingness to defend the interests of freedom worldwide helps other nations resist the evils of totalitarian rule. I hope traveling to the United States enables me to learn more about and ultimately promote these moral and political ideals.
Traits of an American
American lawyer, Ed Koch once said “Stereotypes lose their power when the world is found to be more complex than the stereotype would suggest. When we learn that individuals do not fit the group stereotype, then it begins to fall apart.” Stereotypes made towards Americans, like “fattest country in the world” or “lazy” couldn’t be further from the definition of a true American. There are many definitions of what it means to be an American. Therefore.. LEAVE THIS FOR NOW AND COME BACK AFTER YOU DID THE BIGGER THINGS ( People have a fixed idea on immigrants and “the migrants are taking our jobs” they drive down wages” they are costing our country money, “they are only here for the benefits” ) Usually, when the words “American” or “to be American” come to mind, some people may see it as being able to have hope or a dream, a dream that could only be obtained in America. Being an American ultimately means that one is offered freedom as a given right and multiple opportunities through hard work.
In America when freedom is given to those who need it, a door to new chances open up. America, known as the land of opportunity, the country that draws attention to many, calls to others with the promise of freedom. Our National Anthem declares that the United States is “the land of the free and the home of the brave.” In Emma Lazarus’s poem, “The New Colossus,” she mentions a “golden door.” Gold is obviously a precious metal, and if this door is made of gold leading to a place, it can be inferred that it will lead to a new place to a start of a better life than they had before. What’s so life-changing about what lies behind this golden door? “The New Colossus” talks about immigrants coming to the United States and by making that move, they were presented with a second chance but most importantly, economic opportunity. Many of these newcomers came expecting to enhance themselves in ways that were not possible if they had stayed and not moved forward. This would have been seen as very precious to the immigrants. Therefore, in this poem the “golden door” is the start to various opportunities that were not possible in Europe but could be found in the United States.
However, hard work is needed in order to be able to achieve better opportunities. All immigrants, from the moment they step foot into this country, are offered the most basic opportunities. Unfortunately, residents of the United States tend to stereotype immigrants as intruders or even job-snatchers which shows how easy it is to forget how America was built on back-breaking labor. In “America and I”, the author Anzia Yezierska talks about her first job in America and the difficulties she faced: “My own money. Money to buy a new shirt on my back- shoes on my feet. Maybe yet an American dress and hat…’Wages? Money?’ the four eyes turned into hard stone as they looked me up and down. ‘Haven’t you had a comfortable bed to sleep? And three good meals a day? You’re only a month here.”(Yezierska 19) Although she worked for a month and had a job, she still wasn’t paid and was looked down on even after her hard work. Immigrants like Anzia Yezierska are willing to sacrifice their bodies to do work that Americans can’t or won’t do. To earn money it took sweat, effort, it was a 5000-calorie-a-day work, done by immigrants, prisoners, and slaves.
Seeing that immigrants did lots of work he word freedom has a magical connotation to it. Those immigrants came to America for it. It was their desire to be free in a land of opportunity. It was what they came after.
So what my idea was, was this: we can show that immigrants get a better pay after enduring all those days of hard work-kind of like after day by day, hard work pays of and you can use that money on whatever, because america is a free country, explaining freedom. That’s my idea so far to replace slavery for this paragraph.